


I May Not Live To See Our Glory

by You_And_I_Do_Or_Die



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex/Eliza is only mentioned, Angst, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 02:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6884797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_And_I_Do_Or_Die/pseuds/You_And_I_Do_Or_Die
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'Some people are meant to fall in love with each other – but not meant to be together'</p>
            </blockquote>





	I May Not Live To See Our Glory

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [loadingpleasewait55](http://archiveofourown.org/users/loadingpleasewait55/pseuds/loadingpleasewait55) for being an awesome editor
> 
> I also can't find the original post for the prompt, so if someone has/finds it, it would be awesome if you could send a link so that I can properly credit

John had always wished he could stay in the precious few moments he and Alexander got together, sharing kisses in whatever private space they could find, even though they both knew it would never be able to escalate from there.

Once Alexander had met Elizabeth Schuyler, John knew he would have to be content with whatever fleeting time they had left.

It wasn’t until Alexander had received his first letter from Eliza earlier that day that John had been hit with just how quickly that time was running out.

Alexander had pulled John into their quarters not long after that, his mouth almost instantly on John’s; pressing him against the door. While John would usually have been happy with this turn of events, the letter weighed heavily on his mind, reminding him that Alexander was not truly his.

Between kisses, John stopped Alexander with a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder. At Alexander’s curious look John took a deep breath and said the words that had been building in him. 

“This has to be the last time.” John felt the stab of his words in his chest.

Alexander’s brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“You have a wife now,” John swallowed, biting back the tears building in his eyes, “this can't happen anymore.”

Alexander looked like he wanted to argue it, words on the tip of his tongue, ready to be released into the air and defend whatever it was between them, but John couldn't hear them. He wanted so desperately to believe that he and Alexander could continue as they had been, but he knew they couldn’t.

“She'll make a good wife,” he murmured, stopping Alexander before he could even speak. “She'll make you happy. You'll no longer have to find a dark and empty space to kiss your lover, you'll be able to do so in public, on the street. You could hold her hand, you could love her, without facing death.”

Alexander still looked prepared to fight, eyes blazing as they stared John down. John gave him no chance to respond, cradling Alexander’s face closer, pressing his lips to his one last time. He felt Alexander’s grip on his hips tighten and John made the kiss harder in response. John felt the goodbye in the kiss, all too aware that this truly was their end.

Breaking that kiss was one of the hardest things John ever had to do.

“If there was any way for this to work, you know I would fight for it,” John whispered, removing his hands from Alexander's face as his throat burned. The first quiet tears started rolling. John lowered his head, hoping that avoiding Alexander's gaze would make this even slightly easier. “Please let me go before either of us is hurt any worse.”

John stared at his chest, praying for the tears to stop so he could leave. “John,” Alexander began, his voice thick with emotion, “it doesn't have to be like this,” he pled.

“You know it does,” John felt Alexander's hands move to his cheeks, wiping away his tears, and he allowed himself a brief moment of contact before pulling Alexander off himself. ”Give Miss Schuyler my regards in your next letter to her.”

John stepped away, separating Alexander and himself completely, fists balled so tightly his knuckles had turned white and his nails were biting into his palms. Leaving the room, John forced himself not to turn around. His pain alone was a sword through his chest, he couldn’t bear to have another speared through him with the sight of what their parting had done to Alexander.

The sharp ache John had known to be inevitable when they began their secret meetings had no time to dull, his heart had no time to repair. He felt that pain until his death, an affliction he came to accept as a sign that he had loved and been loved in return, even if the world had been so cruel as to take it from him. 

And on that fateful day in South Carolina, as he felt his eyes grow heavier, blood seeping from the wound in the back of his chest, John let his last thought be of Alexander, a small smile crossing his face as he took his final breath.

Some people are meant to fall in love with each other – but not meant to be together.


End file.
